You are Lancelot to my Qwenifar

Ashley,

I never thought I could be dependent upon one person. For years I distanced myself away from people. Afraid to feel. Afraid of the emotions that linger beneath this skin. I love you. Three words that take away all self preservation. Three words that will be the death of me. You will never love me back. I see that now. But I love you in spite of it all. I love you. My mother has disowned me, my father pleads ignorance and I scream from the mountain tops that I am in love with my best friend. The light to my darkness, my MRS.RIGHT. I could say I LOVE YOU in every language known to modern man, and a few that we’ve forgotten and it would change nothing. LOVE is a dream, you were my reality. I lost myself in your eyes, I saw within you everything I need to survive. You are courageous. You are strong. You are not mine. One day you will get married and I will stand beside you as your maid of honour. I will befriend your husband to make you happy and I will be honorary auntie and god mother to your children. But the dream will always be there, lingering beneath the surface. I love you. You are Lancelot to my Qwenifar.

Until The End

Alyssa

A note left under my pillow

I seem to be falling for you right before my eyes. Your face has changed, your laugh sounds like the most well written music, and your smile brings out the best in me. I have loved before only to experience this and realize calling anything before you love was foolish. You are my everything. You are the dream that I hadn’t yet realized. You are the reason God made lips and the sun and the moon. Please. Tell me you love me too, and let me prove to you that life can live on happily ever after.

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You are my heart. For every day that I go on without you I die twice as fast. You are the woman that was made in the creation of my guardian angel. The one person that I can whisper my lies to and scream out my truths. You are the first drug that I allowed my permission for addiction. Our blood together becomes wine. Our dreams give way to actual vision and our strength is untamable when one. You are the most beautiful version of my mind, body and soul.

Written for a long lost love

There will never be another woman more fit for me than you. Never will I look into anothers eye’s and see such a clear vision of my future the way I did when I looked in yours. In your own way you have taught me both how to love and how to let go of love. I keep on telling myself that not having you in my life is the Gods doing me a favor. Every time I miss you I attempt to replace it with the joy of no longer wanting you. After failing at this time and time again I’ve decided to simply get through the agony of the loss of you the best way I can.

It is without you that I am forced to go on. I keep on reassuring myself that it is for the best. I keep on surrounding myself with thoughts of a future where I don’t feel the pain of waking up without you. It’s just that every time I close my eyes, every time I smell certain smells, every time I think of love, it is only you that comes to mind.

Have a become a monster to you? Have you locked me out of any of your thoughts? When was it that you determined your future would be best without me in it?  I would have liked to have been there that day. I would have liked to hold your hand and watched your life transform without me in it.

I am alone now. Standing on top of a world that only seemed to make sense with you in it. You are as close to me as a stranger. You are as far from me as you’ve ever been. I sit alone with tears that have no explanation. I sit alone with the loss of you, chosen, but not for the right reasons. If you were to see me now you would see the lack of life I’m living. There is nothing worse than waiting to be saved by someone who has forgotten your name. Nothing worse than trying to hold on to someone that no longer wants to be anyone to you.

I am alone but I’m still alive. I’m alive, but I’m less of who I am without you. May you never forget where your heart belongs. May you never think that you can’t come back. May you never believe that I fell out of love with you.